a Monster, ten percent human

guilty of being guilty about you

Retreat when you think you’ll crumble

under the pressure that presses against

your beating engine

don’t ever

give your all

don’t lie to it

because it will know

once the beating slows down and you lock your eyes on the one thing you thought was

gasoline,

fueling you to glide against the asphalt roads of infatuation.

love someone you truly love

and never someone who loves you first

your beating engine will be unstable at first

but soon

you’ll realize

it beats from the mere adrenaline of

driving far enough

devoid of return,

riding out the high from the velocity you’re moving in.

soon

you’ll feel accelerated with the twisted,

disgusting,

remorseful excitement of crashing into the car

in front of you, breaking and crushing

their beating engine.

but you prolong your agony and guilt

because you

love

The Feeling

of knowing, -in slow motion-

that you will hurt whoever resides inside while they praise you for your bravery

as they fall into the vortex of false belief;

That you

a fucking psychopathic, sickening monster

meant to crush them all along

to simply drag out

like a cold, dead body hauled across the floor;

the agony

of wasted nights and

repeated apologies

I’m sorry.

It hurts me too.

I’m trying.

I’m a terrible person, I know.

You deserve someone better.

I meant to do what I did

My heart is perfectly unsheathed

I don’t have the energy

I’m a terrible person, I know

I deserve someone better

The distorted part of it all

is that you won’t

place the blame on yourself

When the Eyes witness the accident

and investigate

they won’t question your innocence

because when sodium flows from your crystal orbs

air will be caught in your throat,

and they will point their guns to the victim,

eyes as clear as the summer skies

wide,

Internal

deformation of the body

the body you crushed and broke by firing at their pulsating heart

slashes of red on their wrist

busted knuckles

But The Eyes will never notice.

and you grin, with eyes glittering.

and when they comfort you in their arms

You will walk away,

Snug on top of cloud 9,

exploring the depths of Euphoria

With sunflowers and the pleasing aroma of maple, frolicking through the meadows with

Blood

Stained

Hands.